Confessions and confusions of a best-friend soulmate.
I have been friends with this guy for the past three years and we have been through a lot.I had developed feelings for him initially but never expressed it to him.However,he realised that on his own and tried to make me understand that things cannot be the way I want and that I should move on from him.He reasoned that he is not still stable financially and that I had better to do with life and it's options.Even after all this,we remained the best of friends and were inseperable. After some time,I decided to date someone and found someone who sparked an interest in me for him.He,in the meanwhile had tried to date a girl but things didn't work for him.When he came to know about this guy that I am interested in,and the guy wants to date me seriouly,he started reacting in a way he never did before.One day he almost went on the verge of proposing to me but controlled himself in the last minute.Some days later,on the day that I was about to be going for that date,he decided to express everything and said me things that made me realize that I wants me.Later on at that night,he told me that he needs me in life because I've been with him through his tough years and had kept him happy so far.Also,he went to an emotionally troubled phase post his last relationship and also he was still a student and was not financially stable,and so though he knew that I loved him,he could not decide to be with me.He said that he had wanted me to be happy in life and settle with someone "better" and more stable than him.And now when I am ready for giving that a try,he stops me because he realized my worth and could not let me go.He said he was sure that I was the one for him and things would be like this for him always.I have entered into a relationship with him after this,but I feel a bit troubled with the thought that whether he really loves me or not.Does our relationship has any long-term chances?I am afraid of losing him on any cause,because if we break up,we lose everything. Contrastingly,hadn't we entered into this relationship,we could have stayed the platonic friends forever,where,we had nothing to lose really.Does he stand the chances of being a stable partner for me?Is he really so sure about me finally?Are his feelings genuine?
Nick Replies:
This is a genuine and most commonest challenges when best friends of opposite gender get emotionally close. Before getting to his frame of mind or his thought process you have to sort out your thoughts completely. Answer yourself whether he is the guy whom you want to grow old with, whether he is the guy whom you would want to introduce to your family, whether he is the guy who would understand you completely and be with you in all phases of life. His emotions are something that is not in your control but the ones that are in your control is yours. Be sure about your thoughts.
Now coming to his feelings and emotions, understand one thing emotions and feelings are just parameters that are momentary. At this stage of life he cannot imagine anyone else to be with him throughout. Both of you have probably become each others 'habit' and it is perfectly normal. The biggest mistake couples make is they over-analyze everything and get anxious too much about future. If you are sure that "he is the guy" go for it, but if you feel there are gaps or questions to be answered confront it with him. Life is not about loving or being loved, it is about "consistently loving and being loved". Financial challenges and instability most of the times are temporary and everyone gets atleast one break, which, if utilized properly can do all the magic.
To answer your question about genuineness and surety, go with your gut feeling. No counselor or friend can help you in this, it is you who will have to decide what works best and who suits you the best. And if you proceed with this relationship don't ever think about breaking-up because it is your own thoughts that would manifest into occurrences. So whatever you do in life do it with complete honesty and optimism, life will be fantastic.
Be happy always.
Good luck and God Bless!
Nick Replies:
This is a genuine and most commonest challenges when best friends of opposite gender get emotionally close. Before getting to his frame of mind or his thought process you have to sort out your thoughts completely. Answer yourself whether he is the guy whom you want to grow old with, whether he is the guy whom you would want to introduce to your family, whether he is the guy who would understand you completely and be with you in all phases of life. His emotions are something that is not in your control but the ones that are in your control is yours. Be sure about your thoughts.
Now coming to his feelings and emotions, understand one thing emotions and feelings are just parameters that are momentary. At this stage of life he cannot imagine anyone else to be with him throughout. Both of you have probably become each others 'habit' and it is perfectly normal. The biggest mistake couples make is they over-analyze everything and get anxious too much about future. If you are sure that "he is the guy" go for it, but if you feel there are gaps or questions to be answered confront it with him. Life is not about loving or being loved, it is about "consistently loving and being loved". Financial challenges and instability most of the times are temporary and everyone gets atleast one break, which, if utilized properly can do all the magic.
To answer your question about genuineness and surety, go with your gut feeling. No counselor or friend can help you in this, it is you who will have to decide what works best and who suits you the best. And if you proceed with this relationship don't ever think about breaking-up because it is your own thoughts that would manifest into occurrences. So whatever you do in life do it with complete honesty and optimism, life will be fantastic.
Be happy always.
Good luck and God Bless!